Mornings are filled with pain. When I wake up before Cassidy I lay in bed and think about Wyatt. I think about how he would come in our room in the morning and ask me (or Tom) to get up and get breakfast. Sometimes, if my arm was hanging out of the blanket he would kiss the palm of my hand and then rest his cheek in my hand. I suppose it's because I told him it was a lot easier to get up in the morning with a kiss than with a whine.
I can still feel those cheeks.
Yesterday I helped Cass change her clothes for bed. She was standing up and I was sitting down and as I leaned over to pull her underwear off of her little feet she leaned over and kissed my head. It was so reminiscent of Wyatt and his tender ways. While Cass is more outwardly affectionate, Wyatt took advantage of little opportunities to show genuine love.
He would thank people for the littlest gift with such appreciation. My sister Sarah pointed it out, he would say, "Thank you, Aunt Sarah." The tone of his voice, the sincerity in his words, the light in his eyes, he felt real gratitude.
It reminds me of a line from a poem I wrote in high school: Those who are thankful are never thankless. It's so redundant, so obvious. Reading it now I see how young I was in my writing, but it's true. Wyatt was as excited about his Buzz Lightyear underwear as he was about his giant bow and arrow launcher. The picture of him with Tom from his little booklet shows such a huge smile. You can see the package of underwear opened in front of him. That was before he opened the gun with the bullets and scope and bow and arrow launcher.
He appreciated so many things, the mundane things and the extraordinary things. He was so grateful that the words "Thank you" were never far from his lips. At such a hard time in our lives I'm seeing the importance of being thankful for the big and the little things. Sometimes it's really hard, but I'm trying.
I don't know how many times he thanked me for his big buzz. But every time he did it touched my heart and I could feel he was still so grateful for that gift. He wasn't just saying it because he was suppose to. It was so honest. I felt so loved every time.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting about memories you have with Wyatt... I would love to hear more anytime. I can still feel his little hand in mine as we would walk and he would ask to hold my hand. Wyatt is an example to me right now on how to be thankful. I agree with you that there is so much of Wyatt in Cassidy and yet she is her own person but he has made a huge lasting impact on her and all of us.
ReplyDeleteHis thankfulness came from you two. Your sincerity as a couple has such a rich legacy, both past and future. It showed in Wyatt and now in Cassidy. Your family doesn't just rattle off the expected social token words. I have witnessed this firsthand. You come from the heart; from our Father's heart.
ReplyDeleteThere was something incredibly precious about hearing those words from Wyatt, even if it was just for something small like getting him a cheese stick. It is one of those things that Cass carries on, too. Today she was trying to coach Eliana in saying thanks for something, and it made me think of Wyatt and his influence on her. Now Eliana will get that touch of Wyatt in her life, because of who Cass is.
ReplyDeleteI love how he would scream my name when I walked into the room. Then the other kids started doing it too. It was like he loved so much he had to burst out loud. It hurts everytime I walk in the door, I can still hear his voice. He taught me how to love.
ReplyDeletehe would thank me for the smallest thing and i knew he meant it with all of who he was.
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