Happy Birthday, Zeke

 This time last year we had our third child, Ezekiel John Blake. In typical Tblake fashion he came quickly and "easily" as some might say. He was a large baby, 9 pounds and 2 ounces, but his arrival was a joy to us. He came just in time, with thirty minutes to spare he was born on Aunt Lauren's birthday and during Sabbath. Though his time with us on this side of life was short, we look forward to the years of loving G-d together.

Last night Sam pulled out his guitar and led the nine of us (Little Cass joined us) in a time of worship. He played several of his new songs, songs that reflect the pain and struggle we are going through right now. Songs that echo the voice of David as he ran for his life from King Saul. And as we all sang our lungs out, praising the One who created Zeke, I felt that eternal moment come closer. This has happened before, during worship times at Kingdom Living. My heart shifts to the heavenly and I feel the overwhelming joy that will come when I sing with all of my children before the Holy of Holies.

Here in Colorado the sadness that comes from missing our boys has been compounded by the fact that they aren't here to enjoy it. The reason we are here is because Wyatt is gone, and observing Zeke's birthday is a strange mix of sadness, emptiness and longing, with only a hint of happiness. That week that he was with us was the happiest week of my life. Since he's been gone there's been a deep decline in joy. Without Wyatt this life seems unreal. So last night, singing about our G-d and King, I felt what will one day be real. One day I will not long for anything because the longings in my soul will be met by the One who put them there. I will dance and sing with tears of joy instead of this pain and sorrow. I wait for that day...